Saturday, October 9, 2010

What Difference Does it Make?

I had basically the same conversation with two different people this week. I've had it before and normally I just find it mildly annoying, but in light of recent goings on, it really pissed me off.

The conversation goes something like this:

"You know men who knit? Are they all gay? Oh, they're gay, they just don't know it yet."

Usually I just shrug and say, "Some of the guys I know who knit are gay, some of them aren't. What difference does it make?"

Also, some of the guys I know who are lawyers are gay. Some of them aren't.

Some women that I know who are accountants are gay. Some of them aren't.

Some people that I know who are assholes are straight. Some of them aren't.

I am not gay, but I was bullied as a child. It went on for years and I never understood why it was happening at the time. My teachers were no help because they either didn't notice me and forgot that I existed, or at times, they were the ones doing the bullying.

Did this change the person that I am now? Probably. Because our experiences are what shape us. The point is, though, that I eventually got to have different experiences. Because grammar school, high school, even college - they all end. It's hard to see out while you're inside, especially when this is all you've ever known, but this is not the world.

It does get better.

Not perfect. But better. You will find your community, just like I did. You will find people who are like you and who love you because of who you are. There will still be people who hate you because of what you are, but they are the ones who are wrong, not you. And you won't have to face them alone anymore.

Friday, October 1, 2010

On a Thursday Afternoon

I had to go to a closing on Thursday for work. Well, first I had to take the subway over to Brooklyn to pick up a document that our client left out of the closing package. (My fault, they did fax over the documents the night before and I didn't realize it wasn't in there until the fedex package arrived.) Then I had to come back into Manhattan and get on the Long Island Railroad to go to Flushing. I had to do all this in the rain.

Usually when I do these closings it involves dropping off some documents and picking up a check. If things go right, this should take me about an hour. Two at the most.

These things rarely go right.

I was there for five hours.

Also, most of the time when I go to these things, I'm sitting in a conference room with a bunch of people who don't talk to me because I have nothing to do with what's going on. Which means that I'm basically sitting there for a couple of hours staring at the wall, so I bring a book because its just not a situation where knitting would be appropriate. (Yes, it's as awful as it sounds.)

Yesterday, though, there wasn't an extra seat in the conference room, so they left me out in the reception area all by myself. So I took out my knitting and sat (mostly), happily. And in five hours, I managed to knit quite a lot. Much more than I would usually get done on a Thursday during work hours. I can't show you what I did though, because it's part of a Stealth Project.

I can talk about my other Stealth Project, though.

One of my friends at work is extremely pregnant and due any minute now, so we threw her a baby shower/lunch before she goes on maternity leave. We're not exactly what you would call a group of criminal mastermind types. We got everything in and set up without getting caught, but when it came to actually getting Jann into the conference room, things sort of fell apart.

Notice that her expression is a little less "Oh my God, I'm so surprised!" and a little more "What the hell are you people up to now?"

We had some really fantastic food,

there were some Stupid Fetus Tricks

and the Stealth Project

which I had to give to her without sleeves because, of course, I procrastinated. I would actually have managed to get it finished if I had gotten home before midnight the night before. The baby hasn't been born yet, though, she seems to be pretty comfortable where she is at the moment, so I still have time.